Turkmenbashi, Ashgabat

TURKMENISTAN
At around 6 ft 4, with a shaved head, a tattered Russian HardRock Café Tshirt tucked into his trekking trousers and a Swiss army knife on his belt, we immediately knew that Mr Oleg was the man.


This formidable human was to be our driver from our arrival point in Turkmenistan, the old Russian Port town of Krasnovodsk, renamed Turkmenbashi, to the capital, Ashgabat.








After such an epic boat journey, the 7 hour drive to Ashgabat at high speed across the Turkmen Steppe was very pleasant, strategically avoiding potholes and bumpy, melted asphalt. Mr Oleg turned out to be a great DJ. None of this, however, could prepare us for what emerged out of the heat and dust...


There, within a few miles of the Iranian border, framed by the Kopet Dag Mountain range, was the most illogical, ridiculous and yet bizzarely fascinating city I have ever been to.


We sat, mouths gaping open, our faces glued to the window as tall and astounding white marble skyscrapers glided past while we cruised down an almost empty 6 lane highway.

Little traffic in downtown Ashgabat

Sitting in our 4 star hotel that evening, indulging in our new unexpected luxurious home for the next two days, we were still struggling to come to terms with the small amount of Ashgabat we had just seen. Air conditioning was a welcome change to the heat of Baku and the boat, whilst we couldn't get enough of the Turkmenistan state television; endless Turkmen music videos of an original variety as well as the state news.

WWII memorial

Former President Niyazov had decided to change the climate of the desert by diverting a river and creating the longest artificial canal in the world. This water was not only used to irrigate the forest of wilting trees surrounding the city, but was also used to supply Ashgabat’s hundreds of elaborate water features that glow pink, purple and green at night.


Then we come to the architecture. Despite not officially being allowed to take photos with police everywhere, the pictures we managed give a vague representation of the scale and number of buildings.


Other than the main Presidential Palace, Palace of Knowledge, the National Museum and Museum of Turkmen Values, all with several huge domes, shining golden or bright blue, the main attractions were the Ministries.


Ranging from the Ministry of Defence and the Ministry of Fairness to The Ministry of Carpets and the Ministry of the Horse, each building seemed to attempt to outdo the other in its size or hilarity. We were told that out of over 100 rooms in the Ministry of Carpets, for instance, less than 15 were ever used. Of course the whole building is air conditioned 24/7 as well. Why not? 

World's largest freestanding flag

The Ministry of the Book, for example, is shaped like a giant book. Unfortunately there weren't any horse shaped buildings and there were only the emblems of the carpet on front of the carpet Ministry.


Other structures included a lot of random Golden statues of Niyazov, including him as a golden baby being held above the world, the Monument of Independence, which is, once witnessed, understandably nicknamed the ‘plunger’ and the world’s largest freestanding flag.






A (very) Brief History

One of Ashgabat's Bazaars, constructed in a typical Soviet style

After independence in 1991, Saparmurat Niyazov, the leader of the former Turkmen SSR became president of the newly formed republic. He actually later renamed himself 'Turkmenbashi', meaning 'Leader of the Turkmen', before continuing by renaming the months of the year after his family.

A memorial of the 1948 earthquake that destroyed the
entire city. Notice the 'golden' baby Niyazov being saved
from the earthquake.

He was proclaimed 'President for Life' and after having to give up smoking after heart surgery in 1997, banned public smoking in Turkmenistan. In an attempt to revive Turkmen culture he wrote and promoted an autobiography in the form of the Ruhnama, a book that was used to 'guide' the Turkmen people to a greater future. School children have to study this book at school and it has been used as a replacement for the Koran in many situations. This book is now available in 35 languages, an online version is available for free!


After his death (from a heart attack!) in 2006, Niyazov was replaced by Gurbanguly Berdimuhamedow.










Despite these truly spectacular sights all around us, incredibly clean streets, air-conditioned bus stops and a few expensive cars scooting around, there was something very strange about the place. Even during the night when it was cooler, the population of Ashgabat seemed to be missing. We ate in a couple of affordable but very upmarket restaurants that were completely empty. One, with a panoramic view of the capital, had a piano player who was seemingly playing just for us, with the entire place for ourselves. 

More incredible architecture

Maybe it was the incredibly spaced out layout of the city that made it feel empty, or the fact that first person that I did see and tried to talk to gave me a God fearing look and swiftly walked away, but I couldn’t ignore the eeriness of the desolate streets. The internet is made purposely slow and websites such as BBC and Facebook were blocked. Some telephone lines and hotel rooms are bugged. Unofficially the population of Ashgabat is roughly one million, but the city seemed big enough for three. However, this feeling was partially dispelled by an encounter with a Turkman of our age and a night out in Ashgabat.

One of several pro-government signs. This one shows the president.

The 'Space ship' styled bus stop. Air conditioned as it is 41 degrees outside.

Rustam worked in the National Museum, which was mostly dedicated to the President and some to Turkmen History, and he offered to meet up with us later on that day to practice his English. The museum itself was certainly worth the $10 entrance fee, photoshopped pictures of the (glorious) current President Gurbanguly Berdimuhamedow in his suit in various areas around Turkmenistan: Wheat fields, on horseback in front of jubilant crowds and shaking hands with different world leaders. To Sebastian's horror, Sweden was actually missing from a large map in the reception hall, making Norway a large peninsula into the North Sea.


Despite an infamous '10pm curfew' that was supposedly citywide, we soon learnt that this was rarely enforced. That night we were lucky to be shown a different face of Ashgabat and Turkmenistan with our new friend Rustam in some of the city's bar and clubs. After a few bottles of Turkmen vodka ($7 each) we ended up dancing with a whole array of people in Ashgabat’s finest club, as well as having a perfect rendition of ‘Highway to Hell’ dedicated to us by a very Turkmen band.

Turkmen girls at the State Museum pose for a photo

Being drunk I started to think more clearly; perhaps I had just been deterred by the fact that the country had only recently been opened to tourists and that it was deemed second to North Korea in State control. Nonetheless, there was one incident that stuck with me that still makes me question.


Whilst walking through one of the subway passes, I saw a slightly open door directly underneath the road. As I peered in, at least 10 partially covered faces looked back. Squashed together on a couple of mattresses in a very small dimly lit room it seemed so out of line with the rest of the city that immediately it rekindled my feeling that something was amiss.

More empty streets

Nevertheless, as we left Ashgabat along its perfectly straight, empty 6-lane motorway, lined by fountains and enormous empty Ministries, our new escort, Dimitri, began to tell us about the various benefits of being Turkmen. These included financial stability and an incredibly safe environment to live in (provided you don't advocate free speech!).

A monument in the centre of Ashgabat. This photo was
taken from the subway to avoid trouble with the nearby
police and military personnel.

Despite having the feeling of a full scale model city (as Sam had described it), it really was an incredible, if not slightly crazy place and given the chance I would go back in a flash. However, with only around 50 years left of gas money to spend, as the new President begins to undo some of the extreme plans of his predecessor, it is almost certain that it is destined to rapidly change. Immediate evidence of this change, however, was only in the contiuned expansion of the city's buildings, with yet more vast monuments and Ministries being erected at perfectly spaced intervals along the extensive network of desolate avenues.


Before leaving Ashgabat proper, we visited the Turkmenbashi Mosque, an incredible construction which had enough room for over 20,000 worshippers. Of course it was both completely empty AND air conditioned. It also had the tallest minarets in the world, 91 meters, to symbolise the year of independence... Also apparently this mosque isn't too popular in the Islamic world due to the religious markings that should supposedly be from the Koran are actually from Niyazov's Ruhnama.


Lonely Planet perfectly coined Ashgabat as "Las Vegas meets Pyongyang" and I would completely recommend a visit. The city itself is truly an exhibit of human imagination.


Classic Sam: "Very soon they're going to need a Ministry of Ministries.'

Another photo taken when we were being watched. This time from my pocket.
The building on the right is the Presidential Palace. 

10 Fun Facts about Turkmenistan

• Turkmenistan has the 4th largest natural gas reserves in the world
• Income tax is 1%
• Virtually free gas, electricity and water
• 120 litres of free petrol per person per month
• Petrol is 12p/litre
• Hoping to host the Olympics in a new sports complex that is to be built: 3 x 5 km big
• Niyazov's Ruhama was sent into space along with other Turkmen artefacts after a 'donation' to the US government
• The Qaraqum Canal, almost 1400km in length, is one of the largest water irrigation systems in the world. 50% of the water is lost along the route to Ashgabat.
• Public transport is heavily subsidised. Some domestic airfares can cost as little as $14 whilst buses within Ashgabat cost a few cents!
• Six lane highways are planned to be built across Turkmenistan in all directions out of Ashgabat: West to Turkmenbashi on the Caspian Sea coast, south to the Iranian border, east to Mary and Turkmenabat and north through the Karakum Desert to Uzbekistan.

There were too many pictures to fit into this blog. So I listed a few more for your viewing pleasure.

Another incredible building.

The library.

More unbelievable monuments and statues. This is another of the former president.

Each building is equally spaced along the wide avenues.

The ministry of Carpets

A wilting forest near the centre of Ashgabat, with one of hundreds of fountains.

The Monument of Independence, nicknamed the 'Plunger' by expats.

A 5 star meal at the top of the Independence Monument, empty as always and with incredible views.

Views of the Peace Monument and the Kopet Dag mountains, behind which lies Iran.

Our only company was a lone piano player, oh yeah
and another picture of the president.

Chilling out at sunset

Some buildings outside our hotel

A night out in Ashgabat

Our nightlife guide: Rastam

Our hotel room for $50/night

Any car is a taxi in Turkmenistan, just hold you arm out an have one dollar in cash spare.

Another monument, this time for the Ruhnama.

No comment!

Large televisions are around the city showing state TV,

Monument of Peace

Niyazov (Turkmenbashi)

Turkmenbashi Mosque, big enough for 20,000 worshippers. It has the tallest minarets in the world at 91meters, to
symbolise the year of independence in 1991.

It was BIG.

Gopro in Ashgabat

The ''Plunger'' once again.

Getting a boat across the Caspian

1st attempt to get tickets (pre-hair cut)

After a couple of pretty chilled nights in Baku we needed to get the boat to Turkmenbashy (Turkmenistan). We had been told to arrive at 9.00am, but after a lazy start we arrived at the port 2 hours late. “God, we’re lucky” we thought, as the lady at the “Kassa” (a ticket office, well I say ticket office but it was like a tiny dark room with an old lady watching some Russian TV program) informed us that the boat had yet to leave and that we should return at twelve. We returned at twelve, to be told to return at 3pm, so having to sit in the 45 degree heat for another 3 hours, we returned at 3pm, to be told to return at 6pm. At this point we realised that our boat hadn’t even arrived yet, so it seemed extremely bleak that we would be leaving at all.

Waiting in the shade, chatting with a local Azeri.

It was at this point we met Mr Osman, a truly majestic man who came to save us from the now unbearable heat:

Turkmen plated Mercedes. AIR CONDITIONING!

Seb returned from the ticket office to tell us the bad news about the boat, but as our collective resolve started to break, he continued on to tell us that a nice Turkish man had offered to let us sit in his new Mercedes and enjoy the benefits of it’s air conditioning. Apparently he had just gone to the bank and would be back soon. Oh, Mr Fish, what a cruel trick to play on us, surely he was pulling our leg. We waited and waited, our hate for Seb growing, but eventually we saw him come round the corner, clothed in glowing white robes and riding a cloud made of silver, he gestured to us to follow him. His ethereal voice booming “You want wait in my car?”. Yeah it was a special moment.

It was lucky we found him , as at 6pm, we returned to the Kassa only to be told that the boat was to leave tomorrow. We slept fitfully in Mr Osman’s car that night with the windows open (the mosquitos got me good, bastards!). Despite his poor english, we managed to communicate effortlessly and during our 2 day wait for this boat he became one of the kindest and most generous characters we would meet on our journey.

A boat leaves for Kazakhstan

Sunset over the Baku docks.

Dinner with some Turkish truck drivers, the one on the right was driving to Afghanistan.

He told us that he was desperately trying to get home to Ashgabat in time for his 4 year old daughter’s birthday, but due to problems with his car, he had been delayed by two weeks. During lunch the following day, we were told by another excited passenger that the boat had come in! During a moment of brief panic, we ran to obtain our tickets, where Osman kindly managed to negotiate a cheaper price for us. After a mildly euphoric moment when we received our tickets, we ended up having to wait another 15 hours before we could even board.

Osman's car breaks, again, everyone looks at the problem and talks about it.

Unluckily Mr Osman’s car broke (don’t ask me what happened, as far as I’m concerned , a car is working or broken, I have no idea of the intricacies), we felt for him, but it was amazing watching a throng of truck drivers amass around the car, all arguing about what the issue was. Also this meant no AC for us, so more hours in the hot sun.

Sam getting destroyed at Backgammon.

Breakfast/lunch the next day.

We got on the boat at 11pm, with the border guard taking 15 minutes to scrutinize Seb for his new haircut being at ends with his passport photo. We met a Turkmen guy as we were boarding the boat, he spoke great English and it turned out that he was mad about Liverpool FC, Football and England in general, such a hero. He had had the good sense to give the lady at the ticket office his phone number and asked her to call him when the boat was about to leave, the lesson being; “If you know how to speak Azeri, you get treated like real people”.

The boat then waited for another 6 hours to load all of the Turkish lorries as well as Osmans Mercedes before it departed at 6am. We had completely free reign over the whole ship. We managed to wander all over the place from the Engine room to the Captain's deck to the kitchen to all of the outdoor decks. We managed to keep ourselves busy by socialising with the Turkish truck drivers (some of them driving goods to Afghanistan!), playing games of Nard with some the Turkmen passengers (I have never seen a board game played with such ferocity) and playing the Russian 'Mafia Game' with Azeri students.

Charlie does some washing in our cabin.

Catching some sun out on deck.

The voyage took 12 hours, but just as we saw the lights of Turkmenbashy on the horizon, the boat began to slowly veer away from shore. It did this and slowly and slowly dropped its speed until a thunderous crash signaled that the we had dropped anchor. Awesome. We were told about 6 conflicting stories as to why we were unable to dock, ranging from a presidential visit, to the engines being broken, to there 'apparently' being 'too much traffic' in and around the dock. I personally didn't see any boats in our way!

The other ferry passes us as we approach Turkmenbashi.

Just as we stop, the boat unleashed all of its rubbish and waste. Awesome.

Night 3 on our trans-Caspian Sea trip 

So another 12 hours later, we docked, and met our driver, Mr Oleg. So four whole days after we left our hotel in Baku, we arrived in Turkmenistan, at roughly 8.30am, with a few questions on our mind:

What was actually stopping us from docking?

Did Mr Osman make it home in time?

And:

Seriously, has no one at the Baku port ever thought at some point, “oh, maybe we should make a timetable for the boat”?

Into the light: Central Asia.